new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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