hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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