Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
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I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
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I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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