Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize