I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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