You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
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College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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