dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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