if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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