every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
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everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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