On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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