Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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