He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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