Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
well you can't waste a boner
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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