I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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