I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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