The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
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a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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