I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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