Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot wine drunk hurts
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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