He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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