she is the kim kardashian of front butts
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
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No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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