Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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