Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I forget how to act sober
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize