so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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