She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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