Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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