I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize