You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
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I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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