I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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