if only i could text you this smell
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize