so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
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We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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