my vag is so smooth its legendary
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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