We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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