Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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