Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
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"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
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Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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