she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
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well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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