Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
why is half of my head shaved?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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