I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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