is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made out with another girl for some wings
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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