Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize