You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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