We tried having a conversation with our noses.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
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She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
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She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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