i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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