So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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