We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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