Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
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will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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