Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
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Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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