Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize