I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He literally asked permission to hit on me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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