I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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