so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
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When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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